Do you hate to work? Do you hate the idea of even showing up for work? Do you like long, neverending lunch breaks which can frequently last the entire day? Did you get straight Fs in school? Did you not even graduate? Do you hate the idea of being a productive member of society & actually contributing positively to the economy?
Do you lack competence in the most basic of tasks that even a drunken monkey with a lobotomy could do well? Do you like the idea of working for supervisors whose IQs are far lower than even yours is? Do you like the idea of working for an organization that is accountable to no one? One that will never fire you, no matter how lazy & incompetent you are? Would you like to be paid far more than you're worth? Would you like to receive lavish benefits that are far more generous than any similar position in the private sector? Do you know someone who already works for the local government? Then you're more than qualified for a government job!
Exciting positions are available. Local government agencies are now hiring! Entry level positions include clerks of all types: Gossip spreader, office comedian, snack eater, seat warmer, internet surfer, daydreamer, paper shuffler, spitwad warrior, bathroom checker, office flirt, vending machine hitter, tabloid reader, chronic complainer, & many other positions.
Do you hate people? Do you enjoy being rude & obnoxious to anyone & everyone for no reason? Do you especially despise the general public? Do you look down upon all nongovernment employees as being outsiders who are far beneath you? Then you are more than qualified to work at a counter or front office position where you will interface directly with the general public. There you will take money from the little people, along with their personal data. And you can treat them with the gross disrespect they deserve.
You must meet certain, minimum qualifications for a government job, however. You must have a pulse. You must be a human being who is either male, female, or a combination of both. You must have an IQ that's higher than a mouse. But not much higher, since that would intimidate & threaten those who are in management. It could even give them inferiority complexes & hurt their feelings.
If you can't meet even the lowest, minimum standards of competency for any of these entry level positions & your IQ is even lower than a mouse, then that's good news! It means you're more than qualified for a management position. If you're completely brain dead & totally clueless, you can even be head supervisor of an entire department.
Working for the local government, you'll have unparalleled job security, too. Remember, no matter how lazy or incompetent you are, you will never be fired! And you will never have to suffer the stress of worrying about it. Also, government always promotes from within first. So current employees enjoy even far lower standards of competency than new ones. Once you're hired, you'll never have to worry about being displaced by someone new who just happens to be far more qualified! And, any new position that becomes available is yours if you want it, even if you're not even remotely qualified! Now that's job security!
Our values are loyalty over competence, mediocrity over performance, laziness over productivity, & always maintaining the status quo instead of trying to improve anything. How do we get away with this? Why do we? Because we can. Because we're not accountable to anyone but ourselves. And because it's only taxpayers' money supporting us! So it doesn't matter if it's wasted. Remember, taxpayers work for US, & not vice versa! And besides, who cares? So join us! You, too, can be a part of this proud tradition. You, too, will discover the true meaning of the phrase, 'Government at work.'