Home, sweet home! Nice house, nice neighborhood! Must see to appreciate! Driving directions: Going South on Main Street, turn left right after the train tracks. Go 3 blocks & turn left by the porn shop. Just ignore the street hookers there. They're not very attractive anyway. You'll go back across the train tracks. The crossing sign hasn't been working, so watch out for any trains. Lots of people have been killed by trains there lately!
Go 2 blocks & turn right at the funeral parlor. Go past the cemetery, & all the way to the end of the road, past the trailer park & the landfill. Don't mind the garbage on the street. It's just overflow from the landfill. And don't worry about the smell. Just hold your nose. You get used to it after a while, anyway. Turn left at the T, onto Dead End road. Go 1 block & turn right into the alley by the sewage plant. The smell there isn't as bad as the landfill, usually. Depending on the wind direction. Unless they're having another sewage leak problem.
Go down the alley. Go as fast as you can. And don't stop & talk to any of the gang members or drug dealers there! They're all armed to the teeth & will kill you for a dollar. If you hear a gunshot, you'll know you're in the right area. At the end of the alley, you'll run into a large building that's falling apart & has been condemned. Go around it on the right side.
Drive into the junkyard just past the condemned building. Just ignore the sign that says, "Trespassers will be shot." The old man that owns the junkyard can't hit anything. Don't mind the barbed wire with razor blades on it, too. It helps to keep out some of the gang members & drug dealers nearby. Drive straight through the junkyard, all the way to the back, where all the mud is. Watch out for all the nails & sharp metal pieces! They'll flatten your tires in a heartbeat. When you can't go any farther, you're there! You'll see it right in front of you. Your beautiful, new home!
Don't worry, it's not an outhouse! It may look like one, but it's not. It's small, but cozy. Plenty of room for one person. If you're a guy like me, you'll love it. It's a hot bachelor pad. Although it needs a little work. And the roof leaks a little. When it rains, just keep a few buckets inside to catch the leaks. But it's in a nice location. And the mud dries up during the Summer, usually. The monthly lease for it is really cheap, too. If you have a job, you can afford it!
It could be a great opportunity, too! I heard the old man mumbling about turning the junkyard into a subdivision. So others might move in. Which means the property values will go up! Act now, & get in the ground floor! Location is the key to real estate. And this is one, nice neighborhood!