Please help! We found a Ouija board recently. Someone must have accidentally left it behind. We took it home so we could return it to its owner by placing a classified ad. Just for fun, we decided to give the Ouija board a try first. After all, it's just a harmless game, right? It's just a toy. What could possibly go wrong with an innocent, little Ouija board?
Well, late one evening we placed our hands on the little planchette thing & started asking the Ouija board some questions. We were shocked when the planchette started to move by itself! It was communicating with us! It revealed some secrets we would never have known otherwise. Like my husband has been sleeping with my sister, so now we're getting a divorce. How could he do this to me? That bastard. My sister isn't even that attractive. I'm a lot more attractive than she is! But that's another story.
At first, I was grateful. The Ouija board did me a favor. I never would've known my husband was betraying me! But later, some scary things started to happen. The Ouija board started to glow. And then it spun around like crazy & burst into flames! But it didn't burn! We also heard scary voices, & demonic laughter. Shouldn't a Ouija board come with warning stickers? The manual wasn't too clear about all the bad things that can happen!
We finally locked the Ouija board inside a chest. But we still heard the voices, & the demonic laughter. And other, strange sounds. And then we heard a loud thump. And saw that the chest had popped open. And the Ouija board was mysteriously, suddenly, on the floor beside it. Like it was wanting us to play with it some more. Which we certainly didn't do! And that's when things REALLY got bad. Objects around the house moved by themselves! The power turned on & off by itself. Windows opened & closed by themselves. And all of this is still going on to this day! Our whole family is going crazy! We can't get any sleep. We can't handle this anymore!
We even consulted a paranormal expert, who told us that we had opened a gateway to another dimension. Just by using the Ouija board. And now it's party time for some bad entities who have crossed over into our dimension. He said that frequently, bad entities conjured up by Ouija boards are major losers from the other side who have nothing to do over there but whine & complain. So they come over here & play head games with us mortals whenever someone foolishly opens a gateway with a Ouija board.
OK, we learned our lesson! We just want to get rid of it! We tried throwing it away, but it just reappeared the next day, right outside our front door. It won't burn, & we can't destroy it. We even had a Catholic priest come over to do an exorcism. He ran screaming from the house. Screaming like a little schoolgirl.
Please, whoever owns this Ouija board, please come & get it! We're desperate to get rid of it! If we can't locate the owner, we'll give it away to anyone who wants it! Actually, we'll PAY you to take it away! We'll pay you a lot of money! Just name your price. It's a very nice looking Ouija board, & would be a great conversation piece to have in your home. It would look great on your living room coffee table, & will really add to your decor. Anyway, please hurry!